Category: family

The grass is always greener on the other side?

The grass is always greener on the other side. In the era of social media we are being exposed to picture perfect pictures, making us wonder:  why aren’t our life’s not that picture perfect, what are we doing wrong, why are our life’s dull? Picture perfect families, children, gardens, cakes, make up, bodies, perfect mother and daughter pictures, well I think you get the picture : ).

artistic-78253_640Is the grass on the other side really greener then the grass on your side?Most of our friends and family only share their happy moments on social media. There are very few who share their worries and sorrows. Why would they want to share these? (And even if they share their worries and sorrows chances are they will be the laughing stock or will get the tag: attention seeker. Yep this is how it works…) On their  Facebook wall everything seems to be ok but have you ever thought of what happens behind that wall, what really happens in their life’s not the social media life. Remember, what we see is not always true.

There are very few people who would like to share with the world that they had a big fight with their spouse before the picture perfect picture was taken and posted on Facebook. Or that they had to take 15 pictures (or maybe even more) before they had the perfect family picture. The picture perfect garden is only picture perfect because lot of effort has been taken into maintaining the garden (reminds me of the quote:  the grass is greener where you water it).

So next time you are on Facebook and see a picture perfect picture stop comparing it to your life. You have your own grass to deal with. Be truly happy that they have shared their pictures with you. Learn to appreciate what you have now and if you don’t like what you have now, change it. If you can’t change the situation, be content with what you have now, because looking for greener grass might lead to losing the people you love.

The grass is greener where you water it, do you agree?

An idle mind is the devil’s playground

An idle mind is the devil’s playground. Have you ever heard of this quote? What does this quote mean?  Does it mean that we have to keep ourselves busy all day? Keep ourselves busy so that we won’t do any activities which we will regret? What do you think?

An idle mindMost people when they have nothing to do (read bored) watch television. While watching television they think, well it is time for a snack. You get yourself a bag of potato chips and finish the whole bag. Instead of finishing a whole bag of potato chips you could have gone for a walk, enjoy the weather or done some small chores.  Don’t get me wrong, watching television is not a sin; it can be very relaxing, especially after a hard day working. But at the same time it should not be the only activity (can we call watching television an activity?) we can think of when we are bored. Isn’t it important to trigger our minds once in a while?  To learn something new, in order to protect ourselves from the “idle mind”.

Nowadays people are glued to their screens watching one show after another, their mind on zero, forgetting about what goes around them. And then we are complaining that we are too busy and too tired. If we are not watching our television screen we are watching the most popular screens of all, the telephone screen updating our statuses, posting pictures on social media, checking our email making us anti social creatures. Did you know that many people are afraid to call someone; they rather send a text message. (hmmm next blog topic?). Are screens our lifelines?

To prevent an idle mind we should keep learning, keep ourselves busy. And learning doesn’t mean that you have to join a master course. Learning can be done in many ways, by talking to people about various subjects, by watching a gardening tutorial (note: we are using the screen to learn), by reading about various subjects, by joining an art class course. And most important we should teach our kids what they can do when they are bored. Make a list together with your kids, write down what projects they want to do and let them pick one project when they are bored and all they want to do is watching television.

So how do you prevent and idle mind?

(Great way to prevent and idle mind  watch cooking videos on YouTube for example https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDSav_gn_lQ&list=PLrw59gJ6sVyFzXXVQW8dZd6Q0_MTzdYjj&index=1)

 

To go or not to go to the gym?

Should I go to the gym or not…? How many times have you made excuses not to go to the gym? Let phase it. Once you come home from work, made dinner and did all the household chores most of us feel too exhausted to go the gym. When you decided to go the gym how many of you have to hurry to get in time for the gym because that class you wanted to attend will start in seven minutes. And if you decide not to go to the gym, there is always this guilty feeling for not going, which raises your stress levels, sounds familiar? Going to the gym is about lowering your stress levels right? Stressing to go the gym can’t be good for our health, especially if we didn’t want to go in the first place.

To go or not to go to the gym

So what can we do about it? If you really don’t like to go the gym, stop going to the gym. Start doing any form of exercise when it suits your agenda, do what you love and when you are relaxed and not in a hurry mode, which makes exercising more fun. An incredibly easy form of exercise is walking. Just put on your sneakers and start walking for half an hour. The fresh air will do you good. If you don’t like to walk alone, ask a friend or colleague along (why not walk during your lunch break). In a few weeks you will be able to walk for an hour without any stops and you will be addicted to walking. (Yes, you can get addicted to walking, I know several “walking addicts”) But whatever you do don’t forget to listen to your body. Why not make walking a family activity during the weekend? It is an easy, fun, cheap and a great way to spend quality time together, away from all the hustle and bustle at home.

And if walking is your “thing” don’t forget to cancel your subscription at the gym. You no longer have to ask yourself the question: To go or not to go to the gym.

Poverty in the Western world

poverty-96293_640Being poor in the Western world? It does sound strange? But it is reality! There are many people, who are having problems making end meets. Lower income families try not to indulge themselves with luxury products like luxury clothes for their kids. They are living from paycheck to paycheck. When they have to buy new clothes for their kids their stress level rises. Also birthday parties of family and friends can lead to sleepless nights. How are they going to pay for all that? In order to keep up the appearances or to avoid social exclusion they start overspending. All this can lead to stress and significant financial problems. In the West it is called hidden poverty. According to The Netherlands Institute for Social Research the number of people living below the norm amount increased from 600,000 to 850,000 households in the Netherlands. The poverty rate is mainly increasing due to the current economic recession in Europe and the rest of world.

Poverty can also lead to eating disorders like for example obesity. Healthy food like fruit and vegetables are expensive. Lower income families are therefore forced to buy convenience food like pizzas, fries, frozen food and hamburgers. Convenience food is cheap, however also unhealthy. Unhealthy often means high sugar, high calorie and high fat food. In addition they have no money to pay for a sport club or for a gym membership. We all know a lack of exercise can results in obesity. But it can also have a negative impact on their future health.

I was astonished that in a country like the Netherlands 1 out of 7 children are going to school on an empty stomach. As we all know breakfast is an important start of the day. Studies have shown that kids who have breakfast perform better in the classroom. They will have more energy and a much better concentration.

How to fight poverty? On the one hand the government should simply start creating jobs and economic growth. How? The government should increase spending by borrowing at negative rates in the capital market. They should for example invest in infrastructural projects, to support innovations i.e. become Europe’s Silicon Valley, in education and in the transformation to green energy.

On the other hand it’s inspiring and heart warming that there are many organisations, run by volunteers, who are helping the lower income families. In the Netherlands there are 162 food banks who are distributing food to those in need. Furthermore there are organisations that are making sure that children are getting a healthy dinner at least once a week.

What can we do? First stop judging! Never be fooled what you see on the outside because on the inside it’s often a different story. Imagine how difficult a step to the food bank must be for them. Second we can work as a volunteer. Third we can donate money or food to the food bank. So next time when we see volunteers in the supermarket asking for food for those in need: let’s donate whatever you can give!

Author: Mr. Babblewell

What happened to our educational system?

Our little Maharadja is six years old. He goes to primary school. He wants to become a policeman or an archaeologist. He loves to play on his playstation, with his Lego and to tinker. He also likes to talk about various subjects like dinosaurs, the police, cartoons and the universe. Above all he is curious about how many things are being made. As a parent we believe that education is the foundation for his career in life.  We therefore strive for the best education for our little Maharadja. Hence we take co-responsibility for his education. Although a successful career is important but material success should not be fundamental for happiness! As long as he loves what he is doing nothing else should matter.

But I am astonished about the current workload at his primary school. Nowadays a lot is expected from our children at school. Our Maharadja already needs to read, to write, telling time and do mathematics. Furthermore his school is assessing his skills against the national standards twice a year! It will not come as a surprise but his standard is way higher compared to what we needed to know at his age. Remember? I understand the necessity of testing our children at school. On the one hand it helps to monitor their progress, to identify who needs additional support and to fill the gaps. The ultimate goal is to set a high standard for performance. But on the other hand a label can also have negative consequences for a child i.e. it can develop into a stigma. With such a label parents and teachers will most likely focus on the child’s weaknesses instead of their capabilities and strengths. As a result our children can become de-motivated, lose their self-esteem and above all their interest in learning. What a stress for a child at his age! Every day I am wondering what happened to our educational system i.e. what happened to the fun at primary school?

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We do have dedicated teachers committed to educate our children. But they cannot give every child the attention they need. On the one hand classes are too large. This will have an impact on their teaching effectiveness. On the other hand the high workload and the stress to perform. A primary teacher needs to prepare classes, assess children and to write many development reports for parents and management. This is just a tip of the iceberg. As a consequence too much time is being spent on administrative duties instead of on children’s education.

So what should we do? I guess without our help many children will not be able to meet and cope with the high standard set by the school system. We need to take our responsibility for the sake of our children. Without our help our children can fall between two tools. The time we spend educating at home can be just enough for them not to get discouraged at school. Children, who will become discouraged will get frustrated, will lose their self-esteem and will get bored. In addition they will have a lack of confidence and will stop dreaming. We need to stop the downward spiral. I do understand that they need to make their own future. But it is our responsibility to make sure they stay on track.  If necessary we need to help them with their homework. Last but not least let’s not forget there should be a healthy balance between playing, having fun and making homework.

Remember we need to inspire and help our children to become the architect of their own future.

Author: Mr. Babblewell

Sweatpants and the stay at home mom

Sweatpants, are so comfy? Don’t you agree? If you’re a working mom, there is nothing better than to change from your “work clothes” into something much more comfortable. They say this “changing ritual” relaxes our mind. But is it ok to wear sweatpants all the time? If you are happy wearing sweatpants all the time then go for it, or not?

Many stay at home mom’s, have the tendency to wear sweatpants or yoga pants all the time.  It’s just super comfortable and easy with kids. The moms are so busy with the kids, household chores, sports games and so on that they just forget about themselves. And before the moms realize it, the sweatpants have become their day to day clothes, their costume. It just happened like that, from one day to another.

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For many stay at home moms everything is about the kids and household chores. They are so occupied that they just forgot to take care of themselves. Or maybe they don’t allow themselves some “me time”. If this sounds familiar to you, take out some old pictures (of happy moments!) and take a look at yourself. This was the woman you were before the kids and you can be this woman again but now with kids and all the household chores. This is another stage in your life.

Let me tell you a secret….. household chores are never ending chores. You have to realize that. Why don’t you allow yourself to get out of those sweatpants or yoga pants? And allow yourself 7 minutes of “me time”. Allow yourself to be you again and the mom and the wife but without those sweatpants. Allow yourself to take care of yourself.  You deserve this.

Please do read my post about “me time”: https://babblewell.com/ignoring/

What is your perfect “stay at home mom” daily outfit?

It is that time of the year, the holiday season

Yes, it is that time of the year, December. It is holiday season! Don’t you just love the holiday season or do you think it is overrated?

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Holiday Season

For me December is watching lots of Christmas movies and picking up my crochet projects from last year, family, baking, cooking and eating. And since four years we also have a Christmas tree. When our little Maharadja turned two he also “wanted” a Christmas tree of his “own”. I don’t mind setting up the Christmas tree but taking down the Christmas decorations and the tree….. But I guess that nobodies favorite part.

I know many people who love the holiday season but dread the extra calories. It’s a fact, during the holiday season we tend to eat more. I know I do (but in moderation).  And how can we resist all the yummy things which are presented in front of us? Someone took the time and effort to create the yummy goodies so it is our “obligation” to sample every single item. And the trick is doing this without feeling totally stuffed. You know what I am talking about, don’t you?

Holiday Season
Gingerbread house

Hmmmm……. Is it not a good idea to prepare our body for the holiday season? Before, we indulge ourselves in all the goodies.  And by prepare I do not mean to eat something extra each day, so that our tummy can get used to al the extras we are having a week before and after Christmas. Although that would be a great idea wouldn’t it?

Why not prepare our body by eating in moderation and doing some extra work outs two weeks before it “all” starts? (Like going for an extra walk or whatever works for you.)  Why not eat some more vegetables and fruits to prepare our body for the” upcoming” goodies we are going to have in a few weeks time.

But on the other hand why we do eat so much during the holiday season? Do we have a green card to go “bananas” during the holiday season? Isn’t our body our temple? Or are we looking forward to eating lots and lots of food which will lead to extra weight and lots of frustration in January, for some of us.

What plans do you have for the holiday season?

The Mobile phone has taken over our lives

office-336368_640The other day when I was dropping of my little Maharadja for school I noticed that a lot  of parents were busy with their phones. Are there so many important matters that have to be settled early in the morning? Or is paying attention to their kids not that important when dropping them off  for school? So in short our mobiles phones are much more important than our kids…. That is quite harsh isn’t?

It seems that our mobiles have taken our lives. Just take a look around, how many people are busy with their mobile phones? In 20 years our life’s has changed completely. Can you imagine a life without a mobile phone?

On the other hand mobile phones are convenient. We can get in touch when with our kids when they are with their friends. Or we can call someone when our car breaks down or when there is an emergency.

People who can’t afford an computer or any other device can get in touch with the world by using a mobile phone. The mobile phone has made many lives easier.

But at the same time we have to find a balance. Do we have to respond to every message we receive. Do we have to be active on Facebook all the time? Or any other social media. Do we have to check our email  every hour?

Last time I was on holidays I switched off  my phone and left it in the save. I only checked my messages when I was in my room. Sometimes I didn’t even checked my messages for days. Not having a mobile phone with  me  felt quite peaceful. But at the same time I realized that I have to check my messages since I got a message from a family friend  that their father hadbg passed away.

So mobile phones are an important part of our lives but should not lead our lives.  We need to learn to focus on our lives and not to focus on our mobile screens all the time. Instead of sending a message why not call that person?

When was the last time you made a phone call?

 

What brings you happiness?

What brings you happiness?
What brings you happiness?

Just think about it for a little while. What brings you happiness? Your work, your family, your laughing kids, your caring family, that sweet lady who smiles when you pass by, that kid on the swing, that book which gave you a different perspective about your problems, your loving spouse, sun shine,  kids playing and laughing in the park, that vacation to your dream destination. These are just little aspects of life which could bring a smile on our face.

Happiness differs per person since each person is unique. And then there is that question what kind of happiness are we looking for? Materialistic or experience happiness? What will bring a smile on our face when we think about it in a few years from now? Is it that pair of jeans you bought or the fond memories of your kids playing in the garden?

Nowadays it seems like people are “weighing” their happiness on all the things they own. They have to have the latest phone because all their friends have it. It is a group thing. The phone is working why do you need a new phone? What better feature does it have then your last phone which you purchased last year? And if there is a new feature, do you really need it? It will only take a couple of weeks or maybe even a few days before the excitement will wear off.

What brings you happiness?
What brings you happiness?

We don’t need much to be happy when the basic needs are taken care of that is. A great example for this is my little Maharadja. Over the couple of years he has build up quite a collection of toys. Most of them were gifts for his birthday and holidays (we have a large family). He plays with them for a while till the excitement wears off. And then he starts playing with his favorite “old toys”.

So, what  brings you happiness?

Are you a honest parent?

Are you a honest parent? Do you tell your kids that they do not have the skills to, for instance sing, dance or play soccer?

Are you a honest parent?

A few weeks ago I went to a concert of a big Bollywood singer. In the hallway I heard “singing” which can be more described as  screaming , I thought to myself …….? It was a kid who could not sing at all. Then after that another kid began to sing and it was just horrifying. What were his parents thinking? Putting him on stage in front of 1000 people. That he was the next Justin Timberlake? I really felt sorry for the kid…..

In my opinion your “job” as a parent is  to guide your child. If your child likes to become a singer and doesn’t have any talent at all, be honest and tell your child that singing is not his or her cup of tea. They can sing in private as a hobby  but not in public. This way your child can’t make a fool of themselves. You as a parent don’t want to your child to be laughed at, right? If your child is not talented to be a singer, he or she definitely has other talents, like playing a music instrument, painting drawing, sports or….

It’s a fact a child can’t do everything right. When your child draws a human being and the hands are out of proportion for instance, you should tell your child so (unless your child is drawing inspector Gadget). This way your child can improve itself. In my opinion by not telling parents are sending the wrong signals. And in the future it can back fire on your child. Since the child thinks that everything it does is great.  And who can blame the child? No one ever told the child that certain skills really need  improvement.

Next time your child is painting something, be honest and tell them what they could improve. Unless your child is the next Picasso of course.